Monday, December 8, 2008

A joyful Heart....

Hello Ladies;
How was your week, good I hope, How was your homework, How did it go?
Did you think about the words you listed with hope of learning to apply them to your lives? What about the things you want to see changed in your life?
As I look back and read about the things I wanted to change(I just ran across my note cards with those things written on them), and thinking this will never happen, I am amazed that they have...a few I still need to work on, but, for the most part they have changed.....
Many, are gone and my attitudes and feelings are changed, and only with the help of the Lord can and did they change, PLEASE don't give up yet, habits don't take anytime to make, but, time to change.

Now, for lesson 3 in our series of "Are we really created to be his helpmeet?"
Thank-you for reading, may this lesson be a blessing to our Spirits, and make us stop and think how we are towards our DHs.
By having the Joy of the Lord you will find the strength afforded for this marriage making journey you are on. Proverbs 17:22 says...."A merry heart doeth good like a medicine....."
We all know having a merry or happy heart thwarts some ill health and sadness and the opposite is true, also. A merry heart is the basis of health and happiness. When ones heart is happy, it will go a long way to rebuilding your marriage into Gods heavenly gift it was meant to be. Not the last part of Proverbs 17:22...."....but, a broken Spirit drieth up the bones...." How are your bones doing?, are they dry?
A broken Spirit and dry bones are the result of NOT having a merry heart.
When your DH first fell in Love with you, you were fun and laughter. Everything in you was thrilled at the very sight of him. Your activities were for both of you. Who is he married to now? Are you still thrilled at the very sight of him? Are you still full of laughter, or are your bones broken and your heart sad?
Flowers flourish in sunshinem Is your marriage flourishing with the sunshine of happiness and laughter? I am NOT saying that ther arent not times of seriousness, there needs to be, but, I am saying, where is the sunshine of laughter? What would DH say?
Proverbs 15:13 says..."A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance; but, by sorrow of heart the Spirit is broken."`
Our face tells all about us, smiling or frowning? Again, what does your DH see?
How does DH see you? Happy and full of sunshine or discontented and unhappy? Does he smile when he looks upon you, or is he "sorry" he married you? Where has your womanly charm gone? Do you still charm him the way you use to, or has it dissappeared? Now, you all say, that goes away after one is not a newlywed anymore, does it have to? My DH and I still smile at each other and my womanly charm is there and, although it did dissappear for a while, it is back and my DH LOVES it!!! Even when one is not what the rest of the world would call a "model", one can still be the delight of ones DH....
Everyone is drawn to a smile and wants to befriend a happy person. But, a unhappy countenance and attitude repels all. A rediant smile is infectious. Men are highly attracted to a smile. If DH is not wanting to stay at home, is it your attitude and frown? A gigle that draws and a merry heart will help to draw him to you and home. Remember, Proverbs 17:22
Women today, spend millions a year to make themselves more attractive to the male gender. I wonder how much money a merry heart and a giggle and a attractive attitude would cost in todays world? A little of ourselves and humility go a long way towards this, dont tyou think?
If a husband had an affair with another woman, no matter what kind, we woman want to stand our ground and not budge. DH is wrong, no doubt about it!, it would be great if he were more like God, but, he is not. God had provided a way for your man to be sanctified through you and delivered from these temptations through you, his wife. A man is a fool to wink at sin; playing with temptations is even worse. You already know this, that is why a woman reacts with jealousy and anger. (Solomen 8:6)
You are now with millions of other wives, your reactions are normal and as they continue; and you withold yourself from him until "he proves being loyal to you"...the same thing will happen to you as everyone else in this situation; bad, bad marriages and possibly divorce.
Is life fair, NO!!! Sometimes marriage is not fair. The women he is around all day long are not fair(if he works with them). DH has not and is not playing by YOUR rules. You bet, your thinking, isnt he wrong? ABSOLUTELY!!! Even though your justified with your response, it is leading to destroying your marriage. You can keep on acting the same as you always have, but, it wont save your marriage. You will be alone, surviing alone, eating alone, raising the children alone, and sleeping alone. NO, you didnt allow him to humiliate you anymore, you did it...and you are still ALONE!!! He will be with that "other' womenm but, you will still be standing for your rights, ALONE!!!
If another comes along, hw will be doing the same thing as your DH---its a merry go round and your caught in it.
This is not to say, you caused your DHs sin, I am just saying if you really, really want to win him back, your basic game plen MUST CHANGE! Without a game plan(so to speak), your arch rival, your competitor(the "other" woman) will win. She is the enemy of your hearts desire. Your negative attitude and actions and responses are NOT going to change a thing.
Oh, I wish Id have known this when I went through this exact thing.
All of a sudden your carnel DH is not going to mature and "smell the cappicinno". No man is going to crawl out of his wifes criticalness and condemnation to be a better man. He will NEVER be presurred or coerced into loving you, believe me, I tried!
A man loves a smile, remember?
Why would he leave the "other" woman, who is a giggly, laugh at his jokes(even when they are dumb), kind of woman to a grumpy, discontented, unhappy, frowning, wife? You cannot make him love you; forget the controlling words that have sharp controlling barbs, because he will run, run, run straight into the "other" womans arms. Forget telling him that he is "ruining his testimony", hurting the children, ruining his home, and dont forget, "What does God say about......"....Forget it - it wont bring him home, he will respond by wanting the "other" woman, that is the way of the carnel man(of which DH is) He is not functioning out of morality, HE IS A LONELY MAN SEEKING, WHO HE IS, IN A WOMANS APPROVAL AND ADMIRATION!
Well, now your thinking; "If he were Godly, he would think of "us", not only His needs, he would do right regardless. "You" also know he needs to repent, BUT, NOT, for the sake of an unhappy discontented, angry, frowning wife. Why should he? Again, you can "hold out", and lose your DH, as I said earlier, or you can "draw" him back. Wife, please realize you are at war(in the spiritual) for the institution of marriage(of which God has ordained) and the family. Are you as attractive(not only outside,but, it helps,) but inside;" ornament of a meek and quiet spirit..." This will only happen if your willing to loose your pride.
This "pride" issue is for married, unmarried, single, divorced and every woman. Our pride keeps us from being humble and enough so, that we can admit our wrongs, even if we "dont want to". I know, you are thinking, "but, but, but, he, he, he, did, did, did,...."Yes, may he did this and that, but, were dealing with YOUR heart not "his" right at the moment. As long as one keeps looking and pointing at the other person, one will still end up in a troubled marriage. Pride does this to us...
How do you act, feel, dress, when in competition for the most precious thing on the earth? (just imagine with me for a second), Wouldnt you do anything to win-if it meant your life and death? Of course, you would. You are now engaged in this battle for your husband and marriage....What are you going to do about it? Stand by and hold your ground? Remember your DH is going to love what is lovely. You must be more lovely than the "other" woman(not only outside, but, inside.)
Men love vulnerable women.
I am a self started, born leader, teacher, organizer and facilitator, which, I believe, are gifts given me from God, but, when not funneled through humility and Grace, it comes across as bossy, controlling, critical, impulsive, the head of our household and so on. NOT at all enticing to my DH, let alone others. But, when sanctified by the HolySpirit and when brought under humility it grows to be lovely, instead. I was repulsive to my DH once upon a time(not my weight, looks or hair) but that way deep down inside kind of thing, who I was, what I was and how I was. I found my smile, giggle, vulnerability and happy countenance and dependance upon him as a man again... When I let my DH feel that I am impressed with his stories and jokes, need him(in more ways than one...[grin]), He has and will keep on responding....
The "other" woman knows these things and more and uses it to her advantage, she appealed to his wisdom and in helping her when she is in need of it,her vulneraility builds him up.(wrong as it is). SHE is not "right" in what she is doing, but, she is getting his attention, is she not? She is drawing him by her vulnerability. You probably want to do something to her right now, but, we wont discuss that. Wives, get down on your DHs level and make yourself more attractive(not all physcally) but, in the ways we have been, be vulnerable, content, happy, "NEED" him...more than the "other" woman. And even if your marriage is ok, or good, try these pointers and let God make your marriage very good!
Dont be deceived and take your marriage for granted, love wont just exist, bacause your married. We dont live in a perfect world and you are not married to a perfect man. In a sense, you need to earn your moments with DH and cultivate his love for you. Pray, Pray, and Pray more.
I remember, 3 years ago, when I first embarked on this Marriage journey, It was a huge mountain to me,almost insurmountable, that just loomed over me, so tall, that I did not know where to start. I was frightened, although when I realized how I treated my DH and how women adored him, I suddenly realized how Id best do the same, because I was loosing him. Now you are thinking, I have lots of money and clothes and makeup and so and so forth,,,no, no, no, and no again.....we live in poverty level income and I am a SAHG..sooooo....gray hair and am older...BUT>>>>from a discontented, critical, angry, frowning wife, I am learning how to be fun, smiling, happy, giggly, vulnerable(now dont forget, I am a self starter, leader, organizer and so on)... and the Lord is showing me more I need to change to be his helpmeet.
I am being recreated in my heart and it is beginning to show on the outside, I am learning how to let my DH be "strong" for me and use my feminine wiles for him(I do believe God gave us women to help keep our men to us only).
As he hears appreciation for him in your voice, he will then appreciate you. If he hears criticalness, sarcasm, correction and an unnappreciative tone in your voice, then....need I repeat myself?
Men are vision oriented and need to feel strong, wanted and loved. Your "weapons" are right at your fingertips, and given to you by God, a loving, kind, adoring, happy, and contented self,(if it includes the physical, that is ok too!).
We can fight for him without himiliating him. Only God can give that to you! As I look back, I really dont know how it happened, this respect and reverence for my DH, I only know one step at a time and God guided me through the whole way.
This does not mean you wont blow it and explode and say the wrong thing, you will!, your just as human as him. But, there will be something growing waayyy deep down inside that you too, cannont put your finger will happen and you wont even hardly know it...Now, one must use self control and exercise listening to the Holy Spirit(if one is Born again)...but relax, God wants to help you become your DHs helpmeet...
God will stand with you when you stand for your man, if you keep holding onto "you" you will stand alond.
Memories flood as I type, I remember the day God showed how I treated my Dh, I must have cried for hours and fell flat on the floor and also repented, it was an awful feeling, but, then God could work, until we are so repulsed by what and how we treat our DHs or act towards them, God cannot work, he will let us go our merry ways, and guide, us but, He CANNOT do what he really wants to.
It will not happen overnight, it will take time, but, if you stand by your DH,
God will be right there with you. Now, please that does not mean wallowing in sin with him, God will show you what and how to do.
So, smile, be vulnerable, loose a few pounds, cook what he likes, clean like he likes it, and draw him and entice him..dont forget what drew him to you in the first place.

God does wnat me to be the best helpmeet for my Dh.
Remember Proverbs 15:13...."A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but, by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."
When a woman is constantly unhappy, discontented, angry, frustrated etc., a man will go the other direction, he is feeling rejected because he is not fulfilling those needs. Is your spirit broken? Do you have a poor me attitude? No matter whree or what station of life were in right now, one can still find happiness and have the strength to be vulnerable, giggly and break the "poor me" attitude. BUT<>

To ponder-----What can I do that will make him smile in this next week?

To Study;
The word "JOY".
Think about this word all week....
See you next week.....

Much, Much, Love to you my friends and Sisters....

1 comment:

  1. love it! another one that really reached me. Yet another point that directly applies to me :) I am so happy to be a part of this teaching. I'm learning so much. Praise the Lord, He is working in me.

    - Tara (daisygirldesigns in the headcovering yahoo group)