Friday, December 17, 2010

I dont wanna be like MaMa...................

     I would like to share my story with you...It is simple but probably common, and it needs telling. When I was a child, I was always aware that my mom was distrustful of my dad. If one of us children did a bad thing, she was quick to deal with us,"so Daddy will not whip you too hard,"  If Dad was giong out to buy something, she would worry outloud that "he will be foolish in how he spends his money." When he got laid off, I remember her saying over and over,"I guess I need to learn to trade. Someone in this house has to work." I cannot fault her in any area of motherhood. She kept us fed, clothed, and warm. But when I think of my mother, I think of a worried, fretful, woman who was always ticked off at Dad. Our Home was tense. I have a few memories of her smiling. I cannot remember a time when she sat on Dads lap or danced around the room in playful fun. He was not a mean man. I remember hard whippings, but not any harder than the neighbor kids got. I remember him being interested in me. He taught me how to do simple things, fun things, but because of her, I always avoided Him. Us kids are grown now.
   My brother did great in his life. His marriage has been good, and his children seem well adjusted. When he was growing up, he was gone to work with Dad all the time. Us girls never went with Dad, and so we were at home listening to mom talk about how hard her life was.
   All of us girls had terrible youths, and we have all had bad marriage troubles. Our kids have not done well. , but we know Mom played a big part in our misery.  She still lays all the blame on Dad, although we all know he was just an average guy. I always knew I did not want to be that kind of wife and MaMa. I wanted my children to remember me as loving their dad and enjoying life. I did not care if we lived in the back of an old van and ate junk food. I wanted my children free of tension and the feeling that their dad was a jerk who had to be tolerated. My first marriage ended after a few short months. I determined when I married again that I would do it right. When I got married the second time, I lost my way and didn't even know it. When I realized that we would have to move becaus  my husbands company was down sizing, and he was out of work, I packed in bitterness, while silently accusing him of not being a good provider and forcing me out of my lovely home. Then one day I looked up at him and saw the same lost look on his face that I had seen on my dads face a thousand times when Mom was "taking care of the family". I was just like my mother!!! Something inside me broke, and I hated the "wonderful person I was", It was then I remembered my promise to myself to never be like my "condeming" mom.
   I had bought your "Joy in training" DVDs and marriage tapes months before our move, but had not watched them. I knew the time had come. I settled doen in the living room among the boxes, and before long the whole family had joined me. We laughed and laughed at the big old mountain man telling the funny stories.
   We sent the children to bed and finished the "Wives honor your husbands" tape. My laughter turned to weeping, and my kind husband held me in his arms while I begged for forgiveness. I cannot tell you how changed our family i! . My husband is thinking of starting a business. He has wanted to for years, but my fear of failure has held him back. NO MORE!! If we end up living in a van, thats ok. I am  sad for lost ground with my children. More then anything, for my daughters, I want to break this ugly chain, of bitter, critical womanhood. I have asked their forgiveness and found they were glad to be over this tension. They know that from now on, theyr are going to have a a mama who thinks their daddy is the greatest, guy. I am so ashamed when I think of all the earthly hell I have put him through. Our children are going to grow up secure in love, NOT insecure in a spotless house, insurance paid, and name-brand clothes. Life has never been sooooo good. Better late then neve I guess...
From all of us, a great big thanks!!

This woman is obeying the Word Of God; she is loving her children by loving their Daddy. 

Are YOU????

Love to who read....

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