Hello Ladies......

Just a note.... What I post is a combination of what I have read over the years and my own experience...not at all, the "Gospel"...I am sooooo glad for blogs....one can say what one wants in any way one wants.

I just hope and pray, what I have gathered over many, many years of "learning"....has been a help to someone. Much of it, is from the school of hard knocks....

It may not work for everyone, but, hopefully for one, who can make it work for them.

Love to all who read this and blessings.....

Terri

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mr. Steady.....

Good Morning to all of you who read this blog;

May Gods Peace truly sink deeeeeep into your inner recesses and a "Do not disturb" sign has been placed where the enemy of our souls can see....

We are continuing on with our readings of the 3 basic types of men, this one being the last but surely not the least...

Today is on "Mr. Steady".....

Lets go on.........

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring providing and faithful like Jesus. He created some men like that.....The steady man does not make decisions or spend his last dime ona new idea, and he doesnt tell other people what to do. He will avoid confrontation at all costs. He doesn't invent things, but, will build the factory to invent them in. Managing the assembly line is right up his alley. He will not jump in front to lead, but will if encouraged to do so. He will quietly ignore things in others that drive Mr. Command and Mr. Visionary crazy. As a general rule, he will be faithful in the same house, car(unless it quits) and the rest of his life will stay the same till the day he dies. Those of us who have learned the peace and safety of this kind of steady man, want to keep him, but, they are rarely available. He will also be content to be with the wife of his youth their whole lives.

Joys and Trials....

Being married to this kind of man has it's joys and trials........on the good side. he never puts undue pressure on anyone, you rarely feel pressured, hurried, pushed, of forced.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him.

A bossy woman may not see his cautiousness as a attribute, she wants it NOW! You may think he is wishy-washy and only a follower because of his lack of hasty judgement. There is no exciting rush in him, just letting others USE him, but, his slow steady nature probably keeps you and him out of alot of fixes. When you need him to just tell you what to do, he wont.

Some woman see all of these as a lack of Spiritualness, when it is the exact opposite. His lack of spontaniety and open boldness looks unspiritual, however, he is deeeeeeep, like a deeeeep s l o w flowing river that leads to rapids(that may be you). He may look like he is unmoving, but, nevertheless, he is very strong.

Dissappointment and unthankfullness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. The trials he SEEMS to cause you are really your discontented responses to what you consider to be his shortcomings. If you didnt attempt to change him into something other than what God created him to be, he would not cause you such grief. His very steadyness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, it WILL drive a CONTROLLING WOMAN CRAZY!!!!!(Is that woman you?)

If you are married to this kind of man, who is kind, loving and serving(maybe not all), then you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew. He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. Shame on who?

When you come to really understand your man as God created him, then you will STOP trying to change him. The KEY is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, then, you want to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. A man who is created steady brings peace and safety to a womans soul. (Heb. 13:8) His gentleness is NOT a weakness, IT IS HIS STRENGTH!!! Your husbands indecision is not indecision. Your husbands lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring, it is simply the cap on the mountain of intense emetions. If he ever speaks of how he does feel, he will most likely become teary...REJOICE!

He is all too willing to hear you(Prov. 20:5).

Is this your man?, then you need to learn to stand still(for a minute or more) and listen. Ask God to give you a shamefaced spirit, quiet and gentle. Stop expecting him to perform for you. Pray for him to have wisdom and STOP trying to make him into what he can never be.

ALLOW him to be the still, quiet, thoughtful presence------just for you!!!

Seek his thoughts on what to do, BUT>>>>>wait for the answers, he will think about it.

A STEADY man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet, take her own innitiative when needed.He enjoys a woman being a "Proverbs 31" woman. But, laziness discourages him. He needs a resourceful woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane things of daily living, like paying bills, making appointments and entertaining guests with ease. At the end of the day, Mr. Steady will enjoy weighing what he has accomplished with what you have accomplished and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in life.

Sometimes these men are among the most important in the Church, they make well thought out, wise decisions.

The children can grow up to honor their gentle speaking dad if mother HAS NOT degraded this Mr. Steady to the point, the children dissrespect him.

He will not talk about himself as Mr. Command and Mr. Visionary might. He will wait for others to call him(always in need) and then will be proud(to himself) of others calling him for this and that.

When you as a wife dishonor a man like Mr. Steady, you WILL see him shrink, into a puddle, walk as if he has a 10 ton weight on his back and turn you off more often than not....why not?...he cannot live up to YOUR expectations...

To others he is mediocre and lacks strength and authority, when in actuality, he lacks a respectful wife.

Of all 3 types of men, this one will be liked by everyone.

LADIES>>> this is my DH....I treated just like the above says not to and watched him shrink and act like a 50 ton weight was on his back, not understanding that he LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH, that he did not want ot hurt me when I treated him like this. Now, HE IS MY Mr. Steady, and walks upright as s man proud of his marriage and wife....

THIS TOOK TIME, and does not happen overnight, but if you can grasp what I have typed...then you wil be well on your way to having a glorious relationship and marriage with your Mr. Steady. You can truly be his Helpmeet!!!!

"Ruination" Wifes summary.....

~~~~~The wife of Mr. command can ruin her marriage by failing to honor, obey and reverence her husbands authority.~~~~~

~~~~~The wife of Mr. Visionary can ruin her marriage by failing to follow, believe and participate as an enthusiast in her husbands dreams and visions.~~~~~

~~~~~The wife of Mr. Steady can ruin her marriage by failing to appreciate, wait on, and be thankful for her husbands pleasant quilities.~~~~~

"Successful" Wifes Summary....

~~~~~The wife of Mr. Command can have a better marriage to him by becoming hiw adoring Queen, hororing and obeying his every(reasnable andunreasonable) word. She needs to dress, act, and speak aso as to being HIM honor .

~~~~~The wife of Mr. Visionary can have a better marriage by laying aside her own dreams and aspirations and holding onto her role as HIS helpmeet. Believe in him and follow him with ajoy into whatever path he shooses.

~~~~~The wife of Mr. Steady can have a better marriage by being joyful and realizing what a friend and companion she really has. By living that gratitude verbally and actively, her man will blossom. by trying to change him, he will shrink witha 10 ton weight on his back.

TIME TO THINK>>>>

Make a list of your husbands attributes----things that allow you to see which type of man he is. It may be a mixture of 2 or maybe all 3, but, will be stronger in one area.

Ask God to give you wisdom to see your need and where you can build up rather than tear down you man.

May you have the tenacity to persevere to have a glorious marriage, I did and it can be!!!!!!!

Blessings to all who read....

Terri

~~~~~~~~~Time to visit?

Hello Ladies;

It has been on my mind today, when was the last time one had a few ladies over for ,hmmmmmmmmmmm, tea, and handwork?

We ladies need each other and to bounce things off each other. NOT TO GOSSIP, but, to see what others thnk.

When we share we should not be sharing to "TEACH" others, but, just to share and leave it. Now don't go away from a Tea with your feelings hurt, because others don't see it "your" way. Lets be grown up enough to understand, not all see things our way. AND, maybe, just ,maybe, there is another way to see it.

If you think that others will just jump at the chance to see "it" your way, that probably will not happen. They most likely will hear it, process it, and probably NOT do "it" your way. Part of getting together is to SHARE, and LEAVING IT THERE.

Being an adult does not mean our opinion is the only way. share it, and leave it. NO gossip about so and so, who just is this way and that.

"Love covers a multitude of sins...". yes, the Bible says that.....now onto bigger and better things, friendship, lets cultivate it, and not ruin it by wanting our own ways....

Its time to growup for many of us...lets!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~Mr. Visionary~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning Ladies;

First, I would like to "WELCOME" all of you who read this blog. It is one that you will learn from, get mad at, and hopefully it will help to change you into what God has created you to be, "A Helpmeet" to your Husband.

This is not a impossible task as you may think, and it is not as hard as you think, ""...with God all things are possible"..." Yes, you can be what God wants you to be and not what you think you should be, with help from Gods word applied to your life.

Lets get started.....

"Mr. Visionary"

If you may, God is a Visionary, as seen in His person, the Holy Spirit. Some men are made in the image of that part of His nature. These men are usually shakers, changers, and dreamers. They can get the whole family wound up over peripheral issues and then decide to up and relocate with no thought of a job or housing. These issues may be worthy of ones committment, but, with their limited field of sight they tenaciously focus on single issues.

They often call for doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct, then call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real meannies to push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

But, most will just sit around and complain, but, in their souls they are visionaries.

Today, they are gifted men, inventors, street preachers, organizers, and instigators of any front line issue.

They love confrontation and don't like the status quo. The are the men who keep the world from getting dull or boring.

Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the "voice crying out in the wilderness".

Good intentions don't always keep visionary from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

If you are married to one of these men, rich or poor you will be. He may invest all you have in a farm and then find out its worth nothing and sell for a loss and move again. If he works a regular job, he may either work half the time or work 80 hours a week. He might purchase something for next to nothing(your last $..?) with hopes of fixing it up and selling it for ooodles, just to find out, its cannot be fixed up and you have to pay for it to be taken care of. The list goes on and on, but, he may never be rich in money, but he will be rich in experience.

Please to remember, most men are a mixture of types not just one.

The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride.

Is this your man? If so, ladies you should learn 2 very important things, How to be flexible, and how to always be loyal to your man.

You will be amazed at how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow------his flow!

If you can get it into your head that your husband does not have to be right to follow, your little world will suddenly be a delight. No more feelings of dred for the next adventure. This also, sets him free to make mistakes, without his "wifey" looking over his shoulder to give him "eyes" that speak ever too loudly.

Thomas Edison was one of these men. Just imagine with me, his wife, after he goofed or fell flat on his face for the 999th time....

The Visionary man needs his womans support. If your daddy was a Mr. Steady, now you are married to Mr. Visionary, it might just take a little time to adjust and a few arguments to figure this out. One will either stick to him or leave, lets hope its the first.

Imagine the mother-in-law watching all of this, and her little girl going through it!

Some talk about their new ideas until you get and everyone else gets tired of it, and then forgets about it in the next breath, and onto the next. He might look at it more critically later, but, for now, hang on for the ride. He will have a thousand ideas for every idea and "you knew it all along". OUCH!, say that the next time, and you will se him pull away, and away, and away. It might destroy your marriage, but, wont change him. He will share his "dumb" ideas with another..........

The way you think determines how you feel and how you feel determines how you act. It will be your face he will want to look into to see the marvel of what he has just shared.

You can be his most important fan. When you know your man really needs you... you can be happy with just about anything.

Over time, he will get more "down to earth", but, when you are first married, your parents might think, he is crazy, hang on and learn to apprecite him for his Visionary attributes, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him and BE FLEXIBLE, then let him dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride!

Our old world needs these men, for he seeks out hypocrisy and injustice and slays the dragons. He calls his self and those around to a higher calling and knows how to do nearly everything and is readily willing to advise others.

One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively(proven truth) and use common sense, which will keep his feet on the ground.He sweetie needs to stay in a positive state of mind, yet, never jump into his make believe world, trying to be too much of a cheerleader on dead-end issues. Let him burn out on things that are not wise. Let him find his own balance through bumping into hard realities. No rolling of the eyes here, or a non shalante' attitude.

He is sooooo intense that matters can easily get blown out of proportion.

WIFE; guard against negative conversation with others. An idle conversation by her can bring about the end of a lifelong friendship. This is true with all men, but, especially so with "Mr. Visionary". Search your own heart and look at your motive in what you say to others about your man. Do your words build him up, or do they build you up and make you look like "the poor mother with all these children"? Keep this kind of thing up and your man will get suspicious and withdraw from you and leave you wondering why?

A womans idle negative conversation can cripple a strong man and cause him be get angry...I did that...not knowingly, but, because my man is a "Mr. Steady"...my dad was a "Mr. Visionary"...what a contrast, and almost destroyed my marriage because of my lack of understanding. Now, I am learning to look at my DH as the man he is, not what my Dad was!

You could render him unteachable... God says a womans conversation can render him "saved or lost".

If you want your "Mr. Visionary" to become a strong and confident man, keep your conversation, "chaste", you want his friends and family to look upon him as that also.

1 Peter 3:1-2 says...."Likewise, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of their wives ; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

WOW!!!!! What a verse, there it is in plain english....

So you take offense esily? Well, with "Mr. Visionary"....one needs not to...Are you tough?, I hope!...Don't forget to be full of life and joy, he likes that....He is not equipped to be a comforter, he needs you to be.

What a plate to fill, you think, yes, but with Gods help, you too can be that wife, "Mr. Visionary" needs.

Pray, Pray, Pray, and Pray some more, Listen to who is talking to you....

May all who read these, grow in the

grace of The Lord and learn how to be that WIFE for the man she is married to....

Terri

.................Wisdom to understand who it is that you are married to.........

Good Morning Ladies;

A wise woman learns to adapt to her DH...........

This morning, we want to take a look at the above title...

Who is it that I am married to?, you ask...It seem as if God has made basically 3 types of men, and your DH will be one a mixture of 2 or some of all three. God did this to express His very own triad nature. Jesus was the perfect "3".

Men are not within their God given realm when they try to be something they are not meant to be(as in their natures).

Lets take a look at the 3 types and you will probably easily identify where your man is and if you have been a blessing or not to him....

Lets get started.............

By the we young women get married, we have preconceived ideas about our very own "prince charming"....things that contribute to this are men she has known, books, and outside stimulas. With these preconceived ideas, it makes it real tough on our "prince"....in our minds, they will be "perfect",,,however, they will NEVER be and far, far from it. God gave each only part of His nature and not complete. Add in the fact that men are fallen creatures and a girl wonders why she would ever want to tie her very life to one of these sons of Adam. But, God makes us ladies to have a innate desire to want one of these men and our hormones are working overtime to bring that along.

What happens when a girl finds out that after a time, this "man" that she thought God brought into her life is not as perfect as she thought he was...........now, she spends alot of time trying to change him into what she thought he was suppose to be....what if he is a "lemon"? Maybe asking God for Wisdom, would be the needed reaction.

Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be.

All men are not created equal, and are not what we have as the "prince" in our minds.Our men are created in the image of God, but, will NEVER come even close to that. Because they are only "created", no man can be even close to "perfect", or else, they would not need us frail, human, fleshly women.

God gives imperfect woman to imperfect man so they can be heirs together of grace and become something more "together" then either of them would ever be alone.

If one fights ones husbands inadequacies or seeks to be dominant where he is not, both of you will fail. If you love him, and support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow.

Now onto the 3 types of men.............................

Mr. Command.....

God is dominant, a sovereign and all powerfull God. He is also a visionary- omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady-the same yesterday, today, and always. Most men epitomize one of these 3 aspects of God.

A "Command Man", will be the leader, they almost have more than their share of dominance. Many times they are chosen by other men to be preachers, heads of businesses, and other such leadership positions. They usually do more than is required of them also.

He will usually(not always), want his wife to coetow to his needs, and not have any outside interests(this can be tempered too!), but, not by our suggestions.

If you are blessed to be married to one of these men, the faster one learns to make appeal without challanging his authority, the faster you are on your way to "bliss".... They sometimes have less tolerance, walking off in a "huff", leaving his wife stamouring for what to say. A woman married to one of these men, can talk till she is blue in the face, and still have to sign divorce papers. His felings are hidden soo deep, one wonders if he has any?

He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awfuyl being shut out. A woman married to one of these men, has to earn her place in his heart, by proving that she will be there through thick and thin, faithful, loyal, and obedient. Whe she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme. She is on call 24 hours a day, her man, wants to know why, when and how she is doing, saying and whatever in her life. He may even criticize her without even knowing it.

A woman married to a "Command man" wears a heavier yoke than others but, it CAN be VERY rewarding. In a way, her walk with this man, is easier, because there is NEVER any way for her to be in control, no gray areas, she can have a sense of calm and safety.

He is also a chance taker, and because of that, God put these in as Kings. A Mr. Command man, sees the BIG picture and takes action, even if it costs him his life and the lives of those he loves. He will usually take financial loss in order to help those he loves, if he is honest, but, if not,.........he will be selfish and use the resources of others to further his own interests.

This man NEEDS his wifes admiration, to keep him on top(so to speak), without this admiration his victories are muted.

If you as his wife can learn to take a second seat, and if she does not take offensiveness to his head strong aggressiveness, then she will be sitting at his side being adored, however, the opposite is also true. She will be his closest and sometimes his only confidante.

Reverance is of utmost importance to this kind of man. Do not belittle his accomplishments, nor how he does them, or he will shrink into a puddle of.....?

If you are the wife of this man, and resist his control, well, you might be in for a horriably bumpy ride and stay married and miserable yourself.

He might even brag till all are sick of him if he has not been trained how to work. If he has no wife or children and has left that, he will be obnoxiously a braggert. He may be even abusive, in other ways.

PLEASE remember, how a "Command man" reacts depends highly on how much his wife reverences him(not always though). In marriages, sometimes, he is not getting respect and thus, conflict, strife etc. When a wife plays her part as a help meet, this man will react differently.

When a "Command Man", (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. remember, he is a COMMAND man, a LEADER, and will usually organize "it" to get "it" done,he will notusually clean up after himself.

He will also be most uncomfortable with "death" situations.

Ladies, this is a lot to hear and digest, take it in, ponder it(think, think, think, pray, pray, pray) and what you need, God will give it to you....

Don't be afraid to act upon what ever God gives you, even if it seems stupid, if it is good for your marriage(outside of sin, of course), then act upon it.

PLEASE don't think I am purporting to sin...NO!!! But, God can change your heart one vein at a time, PRAY for His wisdom, and stick to it...things can change...

More tomorrow....."Mr. Visionary".............

Thanks and Love to all who read.....

Terri

~ Meek?~

~~~~~~~~~"MEEK?"~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning...

I pray Ican keep up the additions and sharing what is on my heart with you all.

It seem good to me to do this.

This morning, I awoke with.."meek"...on my heart.

This is what the Concordance and dictionary said;

"...not easily provoked or irritated, submissive to divine will, gentle, yielding, forbearing(theres that word again), humble, mild, and unassuming..."

WOW!!!! Theres a lot to be said about this word....May we take some of these words to heart in our every day lives and apply them.

You think, "I will never be able to get this all in my heart?"...your right, without the Holy Spirit, one is a "...sounding brass and a tinkling symbol...."

Get it deep in ones heart, so when one comes up against any given situation, one can go with God and display these fruits. Don't be too hard on oneself, one will not always have victory with these things.....but, one can "pull ones boot straps up and go again"......Jesus is waiting.....................

Much Love to any that read this blog.....

In Him.......

~~~***Terri***~~~

...............................bowels of mercies....

Hello Ladies...
As I was writing the other day, it struck me about Colossians 3:12...the words, "..bowels of mercies"....
What exactly does that mean?
I looked in the concordance and the dictionary...here is what I found..you know how you don't want to know what a word means in the Bible, well.....

"....Bowels..."....strengthed from...an inward affection plus tender mercy plus pity.
The dictionary;
heart, pity, tenderness, interior, guts.

"...Mercies..."....pity
The dictionary; forebearance(self restraint, endure), pity, compassion, forgiveness, mild, kind.

"bowels of mercies"...To be strengthed from an inward affection with tender mercy and pity, self restraint, compassion and forgiveness.

Sometimes we don't want to obey the Scripture, cause its hard, but, Our Lord and Saviour reminds us, '...that He will never give us more than we can handle, and along with it, a way out."

Lets press toward the mark of the high calling of Jesus Christ.

LOVE to each and everyone that reads, may you pray for the grace to apply it to your life.

Terri

Glowing with Love....

Just a quote for today Ladies;

"To have the heart glow with "mutual Love" is vastly better than to Glare with the most pompous titles, offices and powers."

A contented mama/grandma....forgiveness....

Eph.4:1-4,29, 31, 32, 5:22, Col. 3:12.

"I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers."

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and calmour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God forgave you."

"Wives submit yourselves unto your own husband."

"Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forebearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ hath forgiven you, so also do ye."

I don't think I need to add to the Holy Scriptures....

Friends....PLEASE read and let it sink deep into your soul, let God do the work, He wants to.... and be the "Contented mama/grandma, god would have you be...

Much LOVE to you all....

Terri

Alone?

How was your week? Were you in turmoil? Was it a good week? Did you hurdle things the Lord has asked you too look at?

Have you been pondering the questions I place each week?

Dear friend/sister, PLEASE don't tune me out...try to listen....

"ALONE"

Lets look at the title "Alone"?

I am a mother, Grandmother and Sister in the Lord of Lords, I have been divorced and remarried, thus, this is how I understand what others are going through when the DH decides to "look for greener pastures"....

I hopefully am giving things that will "Help" in not going through this again....the big "D"!!!

i was alone for a few years, due not to my DH finding another...but, due to my being a critical, judgemental, unhappy wife, who was not happy with anything. NO wonder he left,,,,,coming home to a Grump(putting it mildly), every night. NO, he was not and never has been a so called Christian....oh, he attended a Church building, because I harped enough to coerce him Into walking into the building with me, to make it look like all was well, but, all was not.

I want to encourage you wives and all who read these words, not to give in to "HARPING", Grumbling, hatefulness towards your DH, pulling away either emotionally or physically, from him...IT DOES NOTHING to build your relationship.

Now, on with my story, I took for granted that marriage was this way and it never could get better, but, never thought He would leave me, his little "Wifey"....

I AM NOT saying you made him do what he is doing or what he did.....just that, you can change yourself and truly be happy even in the midst of the most awful circumstances.

These things that drives men away, are not really, in the face, right in front, out and out rightly, there, they are subtle.

When you Dh acts reAlly fleshly at home, (swearing, does things that a "Godly man" wouLD not do...) What do you do?

Do you pull away from him, roll your eyes at him, even in front of others. Why not PRAY, PRAY<>

If he fails your children, where is your heart? How do you respond,... with coldness, or unconditional acceptance OF HIM...

How about when he makes a statement or story, or recounting a incident, do you correct him, do you roll your eyes,...what is it that you puSh him away with?

What about if he acts like a jerk? How do you act?

Please remember, I did all these and more, so I know exactly what you are feeling....

My exhusband, acted like a real jerk most of the time, but, that gave me no authority to treat him with distain, unsubmissiveness and criticalness....

How do we make our man "suffer", when he hurts us? Or, do you?

When he spends money you think you don't have?,,,what then...When he wants to do something and you don't, Hardheartedness, will not draw him.

What about when he needs/needed you just to believe in him, did you? Do you keep his faults ever before him, reminding him "I told you so"....

Why is it we women think if we are standoffish, we will draw him, not so, he will more than likely turn the other way, to HER! If he hasn't, you are one woman, that better tell him how much you appreciate him and change your mind about him....

When he doesn't take the "lead" in your home, with neighbors or friends, How do you act?

How do you act when in the company of family and friends? Are you the martyr?

When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emotionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things and loved him unconditionallly, instead of giving up inside and turning to others for emotional support. I never saw the need to endear myself to him. I took for granted that he would fulfill the husbands moral obligation to love me. I wish I had gone to "Gods Beauty School" for the whole woman.

After him leaving, the children and I were plunged into poverty, I could not make enough money then, 20 some years ago to keep food on the table, no sitters then, no $, my 9 year old daughter kept the children, got them ready for school and got them dressed, fed and clothed and ready to go to school....(much to my dismay, but, what else could I do?) Child support was unheard of and my car was a clunker, my rent was big, and the heat never went above 65....things slowly fell apart and then I began to...

Some of you can relate, and some not....do something, before you are this woman and Alone!

Today, there is a breed of women that do almost anything they can to make ends meet. Just trying to make it without a man around. Their dark circles around their eyes and never being home tells a story all to prominent in our society today. At least employers can depend on them, because they cannot loose their job! Always distracted, they are away in their thinking, thinking about all that needs to be done. Sometimes single moms team up, that helps greatly. Bitterness grows in their hearts though, as they watch happy couples and even 2nd time arounds....Now, What is wrong with this picture?

Do you think, they have to stay this way? NO!!!! I did not, I saw my need and changed it with Gods help, one cannot do it Alone...Only with Gods help and a born again experience can one change.

OH yes, remember all of this was not your fault, it was your husbands. Really?
Maybe you can change what it is that drove him away, wether emotionally, or physically.

I am going to write something,and you may just erase this Blog, but, I need to, remember all of these problems started when "you" got MAD at him for?........you got Mad at him for?.......

Or when you got MAD at him for?....................

I think your getting the picture....Then it all got worse, when he wanted you to do something and you were MAD...then he asked you a question and you were MAD....then he wanted you to do something intimately, and you wer still MAD!!!!

Do you patronize your spouse and treat as if he is a dumb kid? Because he really doesn't know? He really can't possibly be that stupid....you think....

Well, he IS NOT!!! MAY I?...tis you that is that stupid...for listening to the enemy of our souls, the enemy who will use anything to destroy mariages and people. Did you just seethe in hate for your DH yelling/swearing at the children?

Now, sister/Friend....what are you going to do this week? Try to remember NOT to criticize, attack, be distant, standoffish, or just plain MAD!!!!

Go the foot of the cross when this wants to happen, pray, pray, pray...dedicate your heart to the one who created you, Jesus Christ, and fall on your face in tears, to hear what the Lord of Hosts has for you!

He has soo much,. Listen....

He practices his faults, and you practice your mad attitude. well, you might both be practicing divorce if not halted.

Have you forgotten why you were created? Gods way works, yours will not....if not changed!

This is a hard lesson, but taken to heart will give you freedom, and joy in your heart of hearts. For a moment God has broken through your wall of excuses...why not try? What have you got to loose?

"Therefore, to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin". (James 4:17).

"But he that heareth, and doeth it not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great"(Luke 6:49).

"For God has not given us a Spirit of fear; but, of power, and of love, and of a sound mind'(II Timothy 1:7).

Lets practice Love and happiness, not being MAD!

What is Gods will for your life?

To be the best Helpmeet you can be?

Sin causes women to self destruct,because this self destruction is a slow, almost undescernable process, many women do not see the destruction coming until it is too late. This slow process often blinds awoman from seeing her part in this destruction, than she will repeat her mistakes....

Make a new habit....

Think of the thing that your husband does that irritates you the most....Now, can you tell yourself that this is really not as bad as my mind and self destruction is making it out to be? My critical attitude

is a far greater sin than his bad habits, I am guilty of disobeying the Word of God, when I do this. It is Gods business to direct my Dh and convict him, not mine.

Getting Serious....

Go back and reread this blog post, every time you see something that talks to your heart, ask yourself...is it I Lord?...and possibly NOT my Dh?

Than ask God to nudge your heart, when you fall into this trap again.

Are we still created to be His helpmeet?

Are we?

I think so, God has not changed.

Well, its been a few weeks without our study....maybe it's time to get on with it again.

My DH is home for the next few months and I did not realize how much it changed ones routine....I had it all planned to post on Monday, and then again, having DH home has changed my routine. So, I hope to get this next lesson posted before the end of the week.

How about what we studied the last time I posted, Did you work on making your DH smile?

Did you study the word "Joy"?

How have you woke up in the mornings?, have you tried to be happy?..I know with little ones, it is hard, but, think about it....

The title of this lesson is.........

"Wisdom"...

A wise woman is wanting to change and learn, she is never closed to changing in Her what she knows needs to be changed. She is not always thinking she is "always" right.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your DH just dissappeared one day? Whew!, you think, either that would be horriable, or maybe your thinking that would be great...there would be no more income, warm snuggles, free childcare, helping around the house a job away from the children(oh! These memories hurt me, almost too much to handle..), your little ones crying while you haveing to leave for work, the car is broken, the pipes break...the list can go on and on....YES!!!! this and more has happened to me, and millions of other single moms...and also, the childsupport you thought you were goping to get, suddenly stops(if you even get eany)...and THEN WHAT???????? Alone!!!!

Are you bitter and still angry, because of what that so and so did to you and your or "his" children? OH MY!!!! My dear, dear friend....your soul is being subtly and silently ebbed away from you in the most little of ways....your happiness wayyy down deep in your soul...you use to be bubbling over, now, you are silently critical of everyone that has a good marriage, you go a try to "help" others who are in your situation, all the while, hurting inside, and critical, resentful and many other feelings that are hidden, from "your" view.

I hope this has not already happened to you and you blame "HIM"! Yes, it takes 2 to tango, it takes 2 to make a marriage, but, with a resentful, angry, sad, dishonoring wife, that he comes home to and she is angry at him, and the children, almost every night, why wouldn't he make you a single mother?

Oh, he may not physically leave you, but, has he left you emotionally? Please dear friend.....listen as I share my experience with you, about what happened to me and how you can hope to change your marriage for the good, and the marriage God would have you to have.

NO, this is not a magic wand, that will all of the sudden change it all, but, these are tools and have been that can help...IF YOU choose to put them into practice...NO>>>>it will not happen overnight, it has taken me 2 years and a lot of apologies and asking for forgiveness, to get where we are today, but, it can't do anything but help....

Young mother....others will ask you what happened..and you tell them, HE left...but, where was your heart?..I am NOT saying, it was all of your fault, but, you can either draw your DH or push him further away by who you have you to be. Are you still trying to play the Holy Spirit, you think...."I just said.....(you fill in the blank).....How many times have you "just said",,,the same thing....Isn't that being the Holy Spirit? Last night, my Dh was reading something I felt uncomfortable with, I have not said anything up until lastnight....I just said"Hun, I really don't feel comfortable with you reading so and so"...He asked why and I said, "I just didn't think a a Christian should read that, and added, I am not trying to tell you what to do, just sharing my heart"...(with NO body language, I am still learning that...)...He continued on reading whatever He was reading and I HAD TO leave it, no more said....no body language, or rolling my eyes, or subtle suggestions....That is leaving it to the Holy Spirit, not ME being the Holy Spirit....Get it?

If we don't let the HOly Spirit do His work, we are dishonoring our DHs....

Marriages can survive other subtle things and some not so subtle, if the wife honors her DH...but, when and if Mother dishonors Daddy, few marriages make it. Your attitude has the most to do with all of this, the children feel it, so why wouldn't Dh feel it? Lower your expectations(of profit by "will",[whos will, yours?]) and permit yourself to love and honor your DH, your children will feel that too....so will DH!

Not saying your standards(rule used for comparison) should be lower.....but, your dishonor and nagging(even in your thoughts) will drive him to the other woman.

I do remember when God brought this to me, how my thoughts about my DH truly make me act it out...if my thoughts are dishonoring(begrudging his every step, because it's not the way "I" would do it, say it, or think it,) then my actions and words come out "barbed". Holding your thoughts and tongue will possibly hold your man.

Lets work on our thoughts..using the last few studies and ideas I have posted, lets try to be happy, have JOY, hold our thoughts(taking them into captivity), and last but absolutely NOT least.....PRAY!!!

Really, Really, kGod to help you in your hearts of hearts....ask Him to Hold your tongue and your thoughts....even if you really don't want to....

Next weeek, we will look at "Alone"!

Rememer, I pray for each and every one that reads my blog....

Love to you all of my Friends, until next week....

Terri

Complaining....

~~I just watched a video of a man that has no arms nor legs, and he was a powerful encouraging speaker....He used what he had and went on..How many of us complain because we don't have this or that, can't do this or that...I wonder if it all has to do with, how we see things?

~~Can we not do with what we have, and not complain?http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong
~~This man has no arms nor legs and has courage....
~~Type it in and look...it needs a .html at the end and it is a video....

LOVE ...TERRI

Keeping your heart with all diligence.....

Good Morning...
Today is the after Christmas type of morning....We have A LOT of family that are not believers(Please Pray), so Christmas to them is not what Christmas is to us,,,,and finding the balance in all of that is sometimes hard. But, to be able to visit with children that have been estranged from us for years, is a "Joy"....To get to know our Grandchildren, is a plus that I cannot express in words....
I have also had some others come against me, for what I write. I have shared that I will never come against, my sisters in the Most Holy Faith, so, Please continue to Pray for me, that I will share only truth and be able to graciously accept, those that come against what I write.
Today, I thought I would share a little of what is on my heart, (we will get back to the lesson next week...), Just a quote from a book that I was reading....
"True Christianity is a religion(if you will) of the heart. All outward actions and professions are worthless unless the heart is right with a Holy God. The passage of Proverbs 4:23 applies here..."Keep thy heart with all diligence(trying, failing, repenting and trying again),; for out of it are the issues of life." The heart of man is the source of life, and this "source of life" needs to be well protected so its waters are not poisoned.
I have been thinking alot about my own heart, "Where is it"?
Do I really want to be what God wants, or am I following a "following"? Am I really trying to listen to the Holy Spirit, os am I just pretanding?
Everyone is born with a self-centered nature. "There is none righteous, no, not one"(Romans 3:10). This sinful nature is set on obtaining and protecting its own desires. This nature exposes itself very early in life. Left undieciplined, it grows stronger. The longer this nature is left unsubdued, the harder it becomes to direct. Consequently, if the will of a child is not brought into subjection to the parents will at a v ery early age, it becomes difficult for that child to submit and to also submit to God, when He calls their hearts. Parents leave the imprint of their own characters on their children as they train them, be it good or bad. god also desires to imprint His image on His children. As we accept Christs redemptive power and pattern our wills after His, Gods image is stamped upon us. (2 cor. 3:18)

Much Love to all of you my "Sisters"....
Terri

A "Prayer" for boys...

Thank-you God, for boys.

Little boys and big boys, and yes, that overgrown boy I sometimes see in the man I married. Please keep my mind from criticizing them sooo often; my thoughts from being so quick to scold them.

Give me the patience to listen to them, the wisdom to understand them, the spirit of humor to laugh with them, and the strength to sometimes endure with them. Give me the courage to differ with them and discipline them(my sons) when I have to. But make me the kind of woman who can comfort them, help them, and encourage them---for only then can they be happy and enjoy themselves.

Thank-you God, for them, and help me to take care of them.

God bless my boys.

Thoughts and a letter from your toddler....

Greetings, from me and my blog to my friends/Sisters.........

I thought this week, we would take a break and I would share something else that I have in my heart...just some thoughts....

This is called,

"A letter from your toddler"..

I am your little 3 year old boy, and I am thinking I could share some things with you mom.

First, I would like to say, be a happy mother! When I see your furrowed brow and your face covered with tension, dissappointment and displeasure, I worry myself that I did something and yet again, and I may have. then, I want to ask and may..."Did I do something, mom?"

Sometimes you tell me to do something and I don't do it...I know that you see this, mom, and part of me is glad that I escaped the task. But that other part of me doesn't feel good just the same. I also have a habit of not listening to you when you talk to me, becasue I have learned that I do not have to do "it" the first time, you will keep on me several other times, before I really have to do it. then I get spanked, but, is it really my fault, if you don't follow through with what you told me to do the first time?

Don't get angry with me, when your anger leads to harsch words and actions I find that I get fearful and my whole world turns upside down. I am soo little and you sooo big. I spill, and wet my pants, and torment my sister/brother. It's much better if you sit me on a chair until we both cool down, than to discipline me in anger, remember, mom, I don't understand why you are soooo angry. I want to learn to be kind and good, and I want to learn from your example.

Pray for me mom, I am blissfully aware of what is ahead of me, but, you can pray for my friends, companions and influences I will have. Pray that I can be strong and seek God's will early in life. Pray that God can grant you the wisdom to guide my little hands, heart, and feet. Pray every day that God may watch over me and keep me safe in body and spirit.

Its fun when you talk silly to me, and get down and act as if your 2 also, but, mom, sometimes it might be better if you act like the mother more than my friend. If all I hear is baby talk, that is how I will talk, stay on your level mom, and I will learn to talk properly.

Let me help, setting the table, working in the garden, picking up toys. I wont want to spend a lot of time doing the same thing, but, work with me, don't do it for me...set a timer, if need be, remember though mom, I need to be taught and it not done for me. When I do these things, I love to tell Dadddy when he comes home. I need to learn to work, even when I don't want to. When it's easier for you to do it yourself, please take the time to show me. Teach me good habits and make me obey without having to tell me more than once.

I don't like the word no, I always like it, when your "no" turns to yes, if I "bug" you enough, but mom, maybe 2 would be a good time to learn that "no" means "no".... sometimes I need to learn to submit just for the sake of submission, other wise, how I hear the Lord calling my heart when its time? We are both learning mom, you to keep your word, and me to submit.

We both feel better if we get our sleep and eat good. Naps aren't so bad if you take the time to read to me before hand. It makes Daddy real happy if you have me ready for bed in good time at night, then everyone is happy.

I love candy, but, if I eat too much, I do get grouchy.

Mom I am so shy around other people. I like it if I can just stay close to you or Daddy when we are away from home. Please don't push me to do things that I am too young to do. When I am rady, I will join the other children in their games. Smile happily at me and love me with your whole heart and this may be just the boost I need, but, if I am rebellious and cantankerous, I still need discipline, I think you are wise enough to tell the difference.

Take time to swing me on my swing, comment on the "beautiful" picture I just drew, or help me on my puzzle, playing house or whatever I am doing, it makes me feel loved. I will be much better behaved boy if I am listened to....

When you discipline me, point out the wrong attitude, or action. Remind me that "I" am not bad, but the action, attitude was. You love me, but you do not like it when I do not listen. Help me to understand the best a 2 year or 3 year old can, but then help me to be happy again. I am such a pliable little fellow, mom, and if we can get the right foundations laid, there's potential for me in this old world, and in the service of God.

Signed...Your little child.

When boys help make cookies....

When boys help make cookies....

If the cookie cutter dissappears, you might find the graceful Angel hitched to the tractor, being used as a plow. You almost wonder how her expression can remain so demure.

Boys!

The cookie rack becomes an excellent hayrack, filled with "hay"(your fresh baked cookies, grin). If mom has her back turned, it may even end up on the floor, the "hay" tumbling into the dried mud on the floor from last nights outdoor excursion. Together we pick them up while he is delighted that a snowman lost an arm, He can eat it!!!

Boys!

The innocent Teddy Bear cocokie may have tell tale signs of tractor tire marks on his torso.

Boys!

While cutting stars, you get to hear "Twinkle, Twinkle, little star....." in the priceless lisp of a 2 year old. And you suddenly realize what all you would have missed if you had let the grocery store bake your cookies this year.

Boys are wonderful!!!

Begin today.......

Begin Today....
Dream not too much of what you'll do tomorrow,
How well you'll work perhaps another year;
Tomorrows chance you do not need to borrow~
Today is here.

Boast not too much of mountains you will master,
The while you linger in the vale below;
To dream is well, but plodding brings us faster
To where we go.

Talk not too much about some new endeavor
You mean to make a little later on,
Who idles now will idle on
Till life is gone.

Swear not some day to break some habit's fetter,
When this old year is dead and passed away.
If you have need of living wiser, better,
Begin Today!!

A joyful Heart....

Hello Ladies;
How was your week, good I hope, How was your homework, How did it go?
Did you think about the words you listed with hope of learning to apply them to your lives? What about the things you want to see changed in your life?
As I look back and read about the things I wanted to change(I just ran across my note cards with those things written on them), and thinking this will never happen, I am amazed that they have...a few I still need to work on, but, for the most part they have changed.....
Many, are gone and my attitudes and feelings are changed, and only with the help of the Lord can and did they change, PLEASE don't give up yet, habits don't take anytime to make, but, time to change.

Now, for lesson 3 in our series of "Are we really created to be his helpmeet?"
Thank-you for reading, may this lesson be a blessing to our Spirits, and make us stop and think how we are towards our DHs.
By having the Joy of the Lord you will find the strength afforded for this marriage making journey you are on. Proverbs 17:22 says...."A merry heart doeth good like a medicine....."
We all know having a merry or happy heart thwarts some ill health and sadness and the opposite is true, also. A merry heart is the basis of health and happiness. When ones heart is happy, it will go a long way to rebuilding your marriage into Gods heavenly gift it was meant to be. Not the last part of Proverbs 17:22...."....but, a broken Spirit drieth up the bones...." How are your bones doing?, are they dry?
A broken Spirit and dry bones are the result of NOT having a merry heart.
When your DH first fell in Love with you, you were fun and laughter. Everything in you was thrilled at the very sight of him. Your activities were for both of you. Who is he married to now? Are you still thrilled at the very sight of him? Are you still full of laughter, or are your bones broken and your heart sad?
Flowers flourish in sunshinem Is your marriage flourishing with the sunshine of happiness and laughter? I am NOT saying that ther arent not times of seriousness, there needs to be, but, I am saying, where is the sunshine of laughter? What would DH say?
Proverbs 15:13 says..."A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance; but, by sorrow of heart the Spirit is broken."`
Our face tells all about us, smiling or frowning? Again, what does your DH see?
How does DH see you? Happy and full of sunshine or discontented and unhappy? Does he smile when he looks upon you, or is he "sorry" he married you? Where has your womanly charm gone? Do you still charm him the way you use to, or has it dissappeared? Now, you all say, that goes away after one is not a newlywed anymore, does it have to? My DH and I still smile at each other and my womanly charm is there and, although it did dissappear for a while, it is back and my DH LOVES it!!! Even when one is not what the rest of the world would call a "model", one can still be the delight of ones DH....
Everyone is drawn to a smile and wants to befriend a happy person. But, a unhappy countenance and attitude repels all. A rediant smile is infectious. Men are highly attracted to a smile. If DH is not wanting to stay at home, is it your attitude and frown? A gigle that draws and a merry heart will help to draw him to you and home. Remember, Proverbs 17:22
Women today, spend millions a year to make themselves more attractive to the male gender. I wonder how much money a merry heart and a giggle and a attractive attitude would cost in todays world? A little of ourselves and humility go a long way towards this, dont tyou think?
Desperate?
If a husband had an affair with another woman, no matter what kind, we woman want to stand our ground and not budge. DH is wrong, no doubt about it!, it would be great if he were more like God, but, he is not. God had provided a way for your man to be sanctified through you and delivered from these temptations through you, his wife. A man is a fool to wink at sin; playing with temptations is even worse. You already know this, that is why a woman reacts with jealousy and anger. (Solomen 8:6)
You are now with millions of other wives, your reactions are normal and as they continue; and you withold yourself from him until "he proves being loyal to you"...the same thing will happen to you as everyone else in this situation; bad, bad marriages and possibly divorce.
Is life fair, NO!!! Sometimes marriage is not fair. The women he is around all day long are not fair(if he works with them). DH has not and is not playing by YOUR rules. You bet, your thinking, isnt he wrong? ABSOLUTELY!!! Even though your justified with your response, it is leading to destroying your marriage. You can keep on acting the same as you always have, but, it wont save your marriage. You will be alone, surviing alone, eating alone, raising the children alone, and sleeping alone. NO, you didnt allow him to humiliate you anymore, you did it...and you are still ALONE!!! He will be with that "other' womenm but, you will still be standing for your rights, ALONE!!!
If another comes along, hw will be doing the same thing as your DH---its a merry go round and your caught in it.
This is not to say, you caused your DHs sin, I am just saying if you really, really want to win him back, your basic game plen MUST CHANGE! Without a game plan(so to speak), your arch rival, your competitor(the "other" woman) will win. She is the enemy of your hearts desire. Your negative attitude and actions and responses are NOT going to change a thing.
Oh, I wish Id have known this when I went through this exact thing.
All of a sudden your carnel DH is not going to mature and "smell the cappicinno". No man is going to crawl out of his wifes criticalness and condemnation to be a better man. He will NEVER be presurred or coerced into loving you, believe me, I tried!
A man loves a smile, remember?
Why would he leave the "other" woman, who is a giggly, laugh at his jokes(even when they are dumb), kind of woman to a grumpy, discontented, unhappy, frowning, wife? You cannot make him love you; forget the controlling words that have sharp controlling barbs, because he will run, run, run straight into the "other" womans arms. Forget telling him that he is "ruining his testimony", hurting the children, ruining his home, and dont forget, "What does God say about......"....Forget it - it wont bring him home, he will respond by wanting the "other" woman, that is the way of the carnel man(of which DH is) He is not functioning out of morality, HE IS A LONELY MAN SEEKING, WHO HE IS, IN A WOMANS APPROVAL AND ADMIRATION!
Well, now your thinking; "If he were Godly, he would think of "us", not only His needs, he would do right regardless. "You" also know he needs to repent, BUT, NOT, for the sake of an unhappy discontented, angry, frowning wife. Why should he? Again, you can "hold out", and lose your DH, as I said earlier, or you can "draw" him back. Wife, please realize you are at war(in the spiritual) for the institution of marriage(of which God has ordained) and the family. Are you as attractive(not only outside,but, it helps,) but inside;"..an ornament of a meek and quiet spirit..." This will only happen if your willing to loose your pride.
This "pride" issue is for married, unmarried, single, divorced and every woman. Our pride keeps us from being humble and enough so, that we can admit our wrongs, even if we "dont want to". I know, you are thinking, "but, but, but, he, he, he, did, did, did,...."Yes, may he did this and that, but, were dealing with YOUR heart not "his" right at the moment. As long as one keeps looking and pointing at the other person, one will still end up in a troubled marriage. Pride does this to us...
How do you act, feel, dress, when in competition for the most precious thing on the earth? (just imagine with me for a second), Wouldnt you do anything to win-if it meant your life and death? Of course, you would. You are now engaged in this battle for your husband and marriage....What are you going to do about it? Stand by and hold your ground? Remember your DH is going to love what is lovely. You must be more lovely than the "other" woman(not only outside, but, inside.)
Men love vulnerable women.
I am a self started, born leader, teacher, organizer and facilitator, which, I believe, are gifts given me from God, but, when not funneled through humility and Grace, it comes across as bossy, controlling, critical, impulsive, the head of our household and so on. NOT at all enticing to my DH, let alone others. But, when sanctified by the HolySpirit and when brought under humility it grows to be lovely, instead. I was repulsive to my DH once upon a time(not my weight, looks or hair) but that way deep down inside kind of thing, who I was, what I was and how I was. I found my smile, giggle, vulnerability and happy countenance and dependance upon him as a man again... When I let my DH feel that I am impressed with his stories and jokes, need him(in more ways than one...[grin]), He has and will keep on responding....
The "other" woman knows these things and more and uses it to her advantage, she appealed to his wisdom and in helping her when she is in need of it,her vulneraility builds him up.(wrong as it is). SHE is not "right" in what she is doing, but, she is getting his attention, is she not? She is drawing him by her vulnerability. You probably want to do something to her right now, but, we wont discuss that. Wives, get down on your DHs level and make yourself more attractive(not all physcally) but, in the ways we have been sharing....smile, be vulnerable, content, happy, "NEED" him...more than the "other" woman. And even if your marriage is ok, or good, try these pointers and let God make your marriage very good!
Dont be deceived and take your marriage for granted, love wont just exist, bacause your married. We dont live in a perfect world and you are not married to a perfect man. In a sense, you need to earn your moments with DH and cultivate his love for you. Pray, Pray, and Pray more.
I remember, 3 years ago, when I first embarked on this Marriage journey, It was a huge mountain to me,almost insurmountable, that just loomed over me, so tall, that I did not know where to start. I was frightened, although when I realized how I treated my DH and how women adored him, I suddenly realized how Id best do the same, because I was loosing him. Now you are thinking, I have lots of money and clothes and makeup and so and so forth,,,no, no, no, and no again.....we live in poverty level income and I am a SAHG..sooooo....gray hair and am older...BUT>>>>from a discontented, critical, angry, frowning wife, I am learning how to be fun, smiling, happy, giggly, vulnerable(now dont forget, I am a self starter, leader, organizer and so on)... and the Lord is showing me more I need to change to be his helpmeet.
I am being recreated in my heart and it is beginning to show on the outside, I am learning how to let my DH be "strong" for me and use my feminine wiles for him(I do believe God gave us women to help keep our men to us only).
As he hears appreciation for him in your voice, he will then appreciate you. If he hears criticalness, sarcasm, correction and an unnappreciative tone in your voice, then....need I repeat myself?
Men are vision oriented and need to feel strong, wanted and loved. Your "weapons" are right at your fingertips, and given to you by God, a loving, kind, adoring, happy, and contented self,(if it includes the physical, that is ok too!).
We can fight for him without himiliating him. Only God can give that to you! As I look back, I really dont know how it happened, this respect and reverence for my DH, I only know one step at a time and God guided me through the whole way.
This does not mean you wont blow it and explode and say the wrong thing, you will!, your just as human as him. But, there will be something growing waayyy deep down inside that you too, cannont put your finger on....it will happen and you wont even hardly know it...Now, one must use self control and exercise listening to the Holy Spirit(if one is Born again)...but relax, God wants to help you become your DHs helpmeet...
God will stand with you when you stand for your man, if you keep holding onto "you" you will stand alond.
Memories flood as I type, I remember the day God showed how I treated my Dh, I must have cried for hours and fell flat on the floor and also repented, it was an awful feeling, but, then God could work, until we are so repulsed by what and how we treat our DHs or act towards them, God cannot work, he will let us go our merry ways, and guide, us but, He CANNOT do what he really wants to.
It will not happen overnight, it will take time, but, if you stand by your DH,
God will be right there with you. Now, please that does not mean wallowing in sin with him, God will show you what and how to do.
So, smile, be vulnerable, loose a few pounds, cook what he likes, clean like he likes it, and draw him and entice him..dont forget what drew him to you in the first place.

Sumerizing....
God does wnat me to be the best helpmeet for my Dh.
Remember Proverbs 15:13...."A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but, by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."
When a woman is constantly unhappy, discontented, angry, frustrated etc., a man will go the other direction, he is feeling rejected because he is not fulfilling those needs. Is your spirit broken? Do you have a poor me attitude? No matter whree or what station of life were in right now, one can still find happiness and have the strength to be vulnerable, giggly and break the "poor me" attitude. BUT<>

Homework;
To ponder-----What can I do that will make him smile in this next week?

To Study;
The word "JOY".
Think about this word all week....
See you next week.....


Much, Much, Love to you my friends and Sisters....
Terri